Arrête ton cinéma!

Joe Queenan, un critique du Guardian, s'est mis en tête - et très sérieusement - de dénicher parmi les plus jolis navets, le pire film jamais fait.
Scientifiquement, il livre donc une liste de critères à respecter pour entrer dans cette catégorie pour laquelle on ne peut s'empêcher d'avoir une certaine tendresse:

* For starters, a truly awful movie must have started out with some expectation of not being awful. That is why making a horrific, cheapo motion picture that stars Hilton or Jessica Simpson is not really much of an accomplishment.

*Two, an authentically bad movie has to be famous; it can't simply be an obscure student film about a boy who eats live rodents to impress dead girls.

*Three, the film cannot be a deliberate attempt to make the worst movie ever, as this is cheating.

*Four, the film must feature real movie stars, not jocks, bozos, has-beens or fleetingly famous media fabrications like Hilton.

*Five, the film must generate a negative buzz long before it reaches cinemas; like the Black Plague or the Mongol invasions, it must be an impending disaster of which there has been abundant advance warning; it cannot simply appear out of nowhere. And it must, upon release, answer the question: could it possibly be as bad as everyone says it is?

*Six, to qualify as one of the worst movies ever made, a motion picture must induce a sense of dread in those who have seen it, a fear that they may one day be forced to watch the film again - and again - and again. To pass muster as one of the all-time celluloid disasters, a film must be so bad that when a person is asked, "Which will it be? Waterboarding, invasive cattle prods or Jersey Girl?", the answer needs no further reflection. This phenomenon resembles Stockholm Syndrome, where a victim ends up befriending his tormentors, so long as they promise not to make him watch any more Kevin Smith movies. The condition is sometimes referred to as Blunted Affleck.

* The movie must keep getting worse. By this, I mean that it not only must keep getting worse while you are watching it, but it must, upon subsequent viewings, seem even worse than the last time you saw it.

Malheureusement pour Michael Cimino, l'auteur a bel et bien trouvé le pire du pire du pire. À sa décharge, il ne connaissait sûrement ni Aurore, ni Le survenant, ni L'oeil du chat, ni Québec sous ordonnance, ni...etc, etc, etc.